Trouble Sleeping

April 30, 2008 at 4:40 am (Uncategorized)

I can’t get to sleep, so here I sit at the computer blogging and catching up in other blogger’s lives (since I haven’t really had the time or stamina to do that – sorry guys!). I’ve been having trouble sleeping for the past little while, and I do have a few ideas on why this may be. I’m no sleep doctor though, so I can’t say for sure what’s going on. It’s getting damper out, and as it gets damper it still gets cold at night. Therefore my bones are aching quite a bit. I don’t take anything for pain (usually) as Tylenol and Advil don’t help, so usually I just grin and bear it. Anyways, because of the added aches and pains I can’t get comfortable enough to fall asleep. I’m pretty sure I’m missing reaching the REM stage of sleep most nights, because I always feel so exhausted. Especially on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s…when I have drivers ed. I’ve fallen asleep in every class so far, and it takes sheer willpower just to force myself to stay awake (and I haven’t really been successful).

I also blame my brain for not being able to shut down. I can’t turn this damn thing off! Thoughts and concerns constantly swirl around up there, and I worry about every little thing in my day to day life while I’m laying in bed (just like Brian Wilson did) trying to fall asleep. Money concerns, school concerns, sibling concerns, friend concerns, health concerns…oh the list is a mile long. I’d have to say those are the top 5 though.

My little sister has moved back in (for now). She had been living with her boyfriend since like December, and they are rocky now so here she is back home. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my little sister…but I’m frustrated with the fact that I have no idea how to help her. She’s going through a rough time and I don’t know what to say or do to help out. Doors were slamming within moments of her walking in the house. I have a feeling that energy levels will be high, and not in a good way. This makes me feel…I don’t know, bummed out. I’m glad she’s home, I just wish she’d calm down a bit. Tonight was far too intense for my nerves…it’s been pretty quiet here since December with basically just me home.

And I’m nervous about this summer too, like super nervous. I want the rec group job…but at the same time I don’t know because they really didn’t show a heck of a lot of empathy towards my medical situation. I felt guilty for not going to camp set ups and lifting heavy objects and what not, and I just know that this year I’ll definitely push myself even further then I did last summer (and I pushed myself pretty far…trust me).

So ya, those are just some of the worries/concerns on my mind. I’m sorry it’s all scattered and what not, but I’m actually starting to feel tired. Hopefully I can fall asleep now that I’ve unloaded a bit off my plate!

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Being Tagged and Stuff

April 29, 2008 at 4:05 am (Uncategorized)

Since I made a mental promise to myself that I would update this blog at least once a week, that’s what I’m doing today. Updating. Although there has really been no changes in my “medical” life; just a couple more aches and pains and what not. My appointment isn’t until the 27th though, but I am keeping that list nearby…with a pen so that the next concern I have I can write down. At least this way if I chicken out when we’re at the doctors, I can hand him the paper with all of my concerns written down. I find it easier to write out my thoughts then to say them…I guess there’s just more time to do so.

So today I finally had my interview with the recreational group for the developmentally handicapped that I worked at last summer. I was under the impression that the interview was basically just a formality, and that previous summer students automatically got the job…but I’m not too sure that rule applies to me. I know it applies to G.C (former summer student and co-worker), but the board likes G.C a lot better then they like me. I’m different, I stand out. I don’t believe that the old way is the only way. I’m open to changes and new things, and I make myself heard a lot of the time. Plus I really agree with the direction that G.A (the program director the board apparently dislikes a lot) is trying to take the rec group in. Anyways, back to my story…I was interviewed by 3 members of the board and not G.A at all. I think it went well, but who knows really? I think a lot of my interviews go well…but I don’t always get the jobs.

So I find out in a couple of weeks if I got the job or not. I am really nervous about it. There is a tiny part that sort of hopes I don’t get it, because I would like to work at Community Living, or perhaps get a couple surgeries done. I do need money so yet again I might be putting surgeries on hold. No worries though, if things get super bad and hard to handle I’ll definitely go in for an operation. Knock on wood that things don’t turn out that way though!

Anywho, so those are basically the only updates in my life (as of this moment).

So now on to the meme section of today’s post: Laurie over at A Chronic Dose tagged me in this here meme, so I figured I should do it before she beats me up with a balloon for not doing it or something 🙂 I’m touched that she thinks I’m honest! I’ve always tried to be with my posts, and sometimes it doesn’t feel like I’ve really made any sense but thats ok. Anyways, it’s called 7 Random Things, and clearly I will be stating 7 random things about myself that you probably didn’t know (or hopefully don’t anyway).

1. When The Lion King first came out, I was about five and I used to pretend I was a lion cub. It was lots and lots of fun! That moved me to want to be a cat when I grew up. I remember this only because I’ve been told (by my older sisters and parents). You definitely wouldn’t know that about me because it’s not something I’d really want to admit!

2. I used to have a really insane crush on William Moosely. For those of you who don’t know him, he’s the guy who played Peter in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. In my opinion, he was one sexy beast. I was about 15 or 16 during this crush…my dad brought me home the movie while I was recovering from an operation and it was all I would watch. I planned out our entire life together. I blame the drugs.

3. I am absolutely horrible at styling my own hair. All I do with it is brush it and leave it down. When I’m not feeling so lazy, I’ll put it up in a pony tail. I’ve tried to do something else with it but I really just lack the creative hairstyling gene that all my sisters seem to have got.

4. I still play Neopets and cruise Mugglenet on a regular basis.

5. I wrote a Harry Potter fan fiction while I was recovering from one of my many surgeries that can be found here. It’s not finished yet, and I’ll probably never finish it…but it was a fun way of wasting time.

6. I have always wanted to play lacrosse. It has always looked fun! I’ve also always wanted to learn how to figure skate. My sister used to do it, and it looked easy to me but whenever I tried I always ended up on my butt! I also want to go horse back riding and have my very own pony or horse. That didn’t happen either 😦

7. I’m a very weird person in person; a lot of the time I can be overwhelming. I act like I’m on narcotics because I say and do really weird and random things, but I’m not. I’m just…weird. In a good way 🙂

So ya, time for the rules:

1) Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
2) Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
3) Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
4) Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

So the people I am tagging are:

Sarah from A Child’s Romance – because I would love to hear some random things about her!

Jessica from So Supercilious – because she reminds me of myself, so she’s gotta have some hilarious random facts!

Bennie from A Work Of Art: Raising Our Exceptional Son – because he has such an amazing insight, and a remarkable son who’s touched my heart.

Karen from Karen Sugarpants – because I have always looked up to her and been inspired by her.

Thursday’s Child from Musings of Thursday’s Child – because he’s gone through a heck of a lot, and takes wonderful pictures…and I enjoy reading him!

Avitable from Avitable: Tact is for Pussies – because I sincerely doubt he can shock me anymore and I’d like to see him try!

NYCWD from A Pile of Dog Bones – since he has always been one of my favourite bloggers!

…and ya, there are my seven people. Anyone else who wants to do this meme, feel free!

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Another Chance

April 23, 2008 at 4:19 am (blogging, myself & I, rambling, real life, reflecting, worries/concerns)

I finally called my new doctor and booked an appointment for May 27th. I figured since he hadn’t made the initiative to set up another checkup appointment when I saw him for the first time in August last year, I might as well do it. He had probably long ago forgotten about me.

With MHE, it’s important to keep having yearly check ups to keep an eye on everything since sometimes the tumors can become cancerous, which is why even after you have finished growing your doctors want you to continue to have yearly checkups.

I have a list of demands to be meet this time around, and hopefully I’ll be able to get something out of this new doctor…since when I met him last year he seemed very nonchalant. Anyways, here goes the list:

  • I want to get my hips checked out since they keep locking/poping/dislocating or something, and it’s quite painful. I want to see if the joints are wearing out or something, and if there is anything to do to prevent that from happening.
  • I want him to check out my ankles; as they too lock up a lot and I’m worried they might be starting to fuse.
  • I want to discuss possibly resetting my ankles. They aren’t in alignment with my knees and I once had an OT warn me that if I didn’t get that fixed, my feet and ankles would collapse. That doesn’t sound like fun to me.

The reason why I usually hold back on talking to anybody about my aches and pains really is because I don’t want to sound like a complainer, because that’s not what I’m intending to do. But I am starting to realize that the longer I keep quiet about things, the worse it ends up being for me in the end…like in grade 8 when I didn’t tell anybody about the tumor in my right leg that was causing me a lot of pain. It ended up cutting off the nerves and I almost loss the use of that leg. Things like that happen to me with silence, so I don’t want to be quiet anymore.

I’ve had some doctors act as if when I told them what wasn’t right that I was simply complaining, so next time this happens I will tell them off. Not rudely or anything, but firmly…should it not be my right to get the medical attention I feel I need in order to make things easier? I think that if my ankles and hips were all fixed, I’d enjoy walking more. I could get more active…maybe start horse back riding or hiking or something.

I want to be more active. I’m sick of discreetly babying myself by hiding behind the “I’m too lazy to go with you guys for that walk” excuse when really I just know that I’ll end up paying for it later. I’m not a lazy person, I just don’t have the energy to deal with more pain that a simple 15 minute walk can bring.

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It’s Been a While

April 15, 2008 at 6:42 pm (blogging, myself & I, rambling, real life, reflecting, story telling, worries/concerns)

I know, I know…I’ve been missing in action for another month. I apologize for that, I just got caught up in life and attempted to hang out more with the people in my life instead of hiding out back home. WordPress has been insanely slow too, so whenever I have a quick minute to update, I end up not being able to because the pages take so long to loud. Luckily today, I’m not doing anything until 6pm (I finally start Drivers Ed today!).

So a whole whack load of stuff has happened since I last updated. My oldest sister, Shannon, got married this Saturday. The wedding ceremony was beautiful. She looked absolutely stunning in her wedding gown; all the little girls were convinced she was a fairy princess!

I had a lot of fun being a bridesmaid, although my heels did kill my feet within 20 minutes of putting them on. Such is life though, heels kill everyone’s feet, just mine more so. Matt helped film the wedding, and got hilarious footage of one of my dad’s friends, Brian, and I swing dancing. Brian is a pretty big guy, so it really was hilarious to watch!

Anyways, it was an awesome, fun night. I’m still paying for it today though, and for Friday night’s affairs. All of the bridesmaids, my mom, and one of Shannon’s friends from England spent Friday night at Shannon’s. We made the seating arrangements for the reception and then goofed off. While bringing air mattresses downstairs for our sleepover party, we all thought it would be an awesome idea to go down the stairs on the air mattress. I went by myself, and being so light I caught a lot of air and landed hard on my tailbone. Now, sitting down, lying down, and walking kills. I think I may have bruised it or something, it’s definitely swollen. Well, that’s my own fault I suppose!

I called my doctor today, the new one. I didn’t get anybody, so I left a message asking to book a checkup appointment sometime in the near future. I left my name and number, and I’m hoping they’ll call me back. I still don’t know if I like this doctor. He was very nonchalant about every concern I had, and we waited such a long time just to have all my concerns and questions brushed away.

I’m going to give him one more chance though, and if I still dislike how he handles things (or rather, doesn’t handle things) then I am going to call my old doctor and see if he can get me in with someone better. I want a doctor who is going to actually take my concerns into consideration and DO something about my aches and pains, not brush off everything.

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