January 28, 2008 at 3:33 pm (blogging, myself & I, opinions, rambling, real life, reflecting, these scars, worries/concerns)

When you have a chronic pain disorder you unfortunately tend to miss out on a lot. I was excused from Gym class at a very young age, so I never had to do the beep test or climb ropes (not that they climb ropes in Gym class – I wouldn’t know for sure, but I think that is only in movies). My parents also sheltered me from a lot of the more dangerous activities, such as ice skating (hockey was definitely out), horse back riding, water skiing, snowboarding and skiing, etc etc. The only sport I have ever really played was baseball, and even then I would get so tired and fed up with the fact that my energy was low and my legs were sore that I would sit down in the outfield and play in the sand.

Missing out on contact sports was all for a good reason though. My body isn’t built the same way that everyone else’s body is built. My knees and ankles aren’t in-line, and I do have like a kazillion more bones then most people and my doctors were never quite sure what a break would do to. They didn’t know how I would heal from it, and therefore they advised me to stay away from anything even remotely dangerous.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have always wanted to go horse back riding. I wanted to take lessons and go to the week long camps they had for riders. A week of riding a horse on a trail sounded perfect to me. But horse back riding takes a lot of leg work that I just didn’t and don’t have. My parents were afraid that I would fall off and hurt myself, so I never did get to take those lessons.

I can remember clearly watching my older sisters learning how to water ski up at the cottage and feeling envious because I wasn’t aloud to try it. Even then, I knew that it wouldn’t exactly be the best idea. Sure, I could do it – I am completely aware that I am capable of doing anything I set my mind to – but I would surely suffer and most definitely get hurt.

I was also envious when my sisters all went snowboarding and skiing together. It looked like such fun! I know that it is practically a death wish for me to attempt it, but I still always have wanted too.

As I think about all the stuff that I have held back on doing because of my MHE, I feel remorse and sadness. I’m worried that when I am an old lady I’ll look back and not reach integrity in the Integrity vs Despair stage of Erikson’s theory. I would like to try all those things, but I know that it isn’t safe for me to do so…I could very well end up in a wheelchair. That would seriously tick my sister Shannon off, who is getting married in April.

I am not angry about any of it, I’m just trying to figure out a way that I can get around the MHE and actually do these things safely without harming myself badly. If anybody has any ideas, then feel free to suggest them!



  1. Mandy said,

    Hey, Jess!

    Wow I havent commented in a long time. Have u ever been able to try horseback riding? It’s not too bad if you dont run too much. There is a stable at the State Park in Northville that lets the public try horseback riding. I havent been there since I was like 12 when I did one of the trail rides. It did hurt afterward, but not too much more than walking around the mall for a while. The only problem was the stupid horse kept bending down to eat flowers and ripping the reins out of my hands. As long as you get a well trained horse it isnt too bad. I did a horse camp with Girl Scouts before 7th grade and we basically just ran around a track and that wasnt bad at all. I guess trails are the worst.

  2. Jessi said,

    I have tried it, and yes it was quite painful LOL but what I wanted was actual lessons…which my parents wouldn’t go for.

    There are a couple of places that do offer lessons with horses specially trained, but they are VERY expensive!

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