Life is Fragile

December 7, 2007 at 1:36 am (bad things, blogging, for a cause, myself & I, pictures & videos, real life)

Brad

 On Tuesday, December 4th 2007, one of my friends from high school died tragically in an auto accident. He had just turned 18.

Nobody is 100% sure of the details. Brad was leaving our high school and crashed head on into the guardrail. I’m not sure if his breaks and steering malfunctioned because of the weather, or if it was an intentional act. I’ve heard that he and his girlfriend had gotten into an argument…but I honestly can’t see the guy I knew doing that intentionally.

Brad and I were not best friends, and I won’t pretend that I knew everything about him. We hung out a lot in high school when I was dating his best friend, and when he was dating my best friend. I have a scar on my left knee from when he chased me up the escalator at the Science Centre and fell. He felt so bad about that…

Then there was the time that Brad, Devon (my ex-boyfriend) and two other of our friends hung out at Devon’s house. Brad was so hilarious…I laughed non stop because of him.

He had a way of making people laugh and smile despite how they felt. He listened when you needed someone to talk to, and he knew how to have fun. I can’t for one moment believe that he did this intentionally.

Tomorrow I am going to his visitation, and then the funeral is Saturday. I know there will be a lot of people. Brad touched a lot of people in his short life, and he is going to be greatly missed. The entire town is feeling the pain of his loss. He was too young.

I have been thinking about Brad a lot these past couple of days, about how if it was suicide…about how if he did drive into that guardrail with every intention of killing himself. I dream about him. He’s always trying to say something but the words are never there. I don’t think that Brad realized just how loved he was, just how much his death would affect us all. We all hurt, those of us who didn’t know him all that well included.

I have a message to anyone out there with suicidal thoughts; think about your family and friends, if anything. Think about how much pain they will be in. Think about how you won’t get the chance to be 19, to have your first [legal] drink, to get married…to have kids. All those things that Brad doesn’t have now.

If you feel like things are that bad that you would be better off dead, then they can only get better. So hang in there. Don’t give up on yourself. Parents should never have to burry their kids first.

Brad, if there is someway you could read this; I miss you. I wish I had known you better. I wish we didn’t let stupid crap keep us from being friends, I wish we had more memories together. I wish you had known that Hailey was never going to leave you. I wish you had known how much she and everyone else loved you. We still do. We miss you Brad. I still can’t believe it…last time I saw you, you were breathing. You were smiling. You were happy. I wish you had talked to someone…any of us would have been there in a heart beat.

I’ll see you again someday. I won’t forget you.

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2 Comments

  1. Connie said,

    I’m so sorry to read about your loss. And at such a young age for to deal with this and for him to pass on.

    I’m here for you if you need anything.

  2. Steph said,

    Thinking about my friends and family helped me. I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve had friends do the same. All’s we can do is remember the good times we’ve had with them and keep on making memories with others.

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