Work and School

November 25, 2007 at 6:08 am (blogging, helpful tips, myself & I, rambling, real life, story telling)

I realize that I have neglected to update on my life at school and work since the whole breakup ordeal (which, by the way, I am over as my exboyfriend has shown his true personality colours and they weren’t so pretty).

Work is going good…sort of. Since I started, I had developed a small crush on one of the guys that I work with. He is in the same program as me and actually quite adorable. However, I have recently decided that I don’t have a crush on him. Yes, I find him attractive, but his personality is not all that great. He’s a bit of an arrogant jerk, to say the least, and he gets on my nerves very easily. I dislike people who get on my nerves.

Anyways, my non-crush aside, working has been interesting. I was bit for the first time ever last week, and it hurt a lot. My own fault; I was brushing one of the guys’ teeth and decided that I would be able to clean them better if I parted his lips more. Um, bad idea. Thanks tips. So it was numb and bruised for quite some time; it’s actually still bruised but it is no longer numb. Then today I got pinched.

Oh the rewards! I love it though. I’ve grown attached to all of the guys, even the one that bit me and the one that pinched me. I’ll be sad when I have to say goodbye in April (I am leaving to go work for the recreational group as I can’t afford summer rent on the paycheck I am making now).

But thanks to this group home job, I feel a lot stronger. I feel better about myself because I feel a lot stronger. I’m going to start going to a gym to get in better shape, and I’ll do all those physio exercises I was instructed to do forever ago but never did do. I got busy…what can I say? Although I definitely DO recommend physio to people who just had surgery; and don’t skip out on it like I do. I have a lot more problems now because I didn’t listen.

School is…oh wow. I can’t even think of a word to describe school; probably because it is so late early. I have been putting off a lot of projects to the last moment. Not such a good idea, but it’s difficult for me to focus on them what with the recent events (that I’m now over…except for being mad about). I am so sick of group work, I could rip my hair out and cry. Actually I might still do that, thanks to one of my groups in one of my classes.

We have a presentation this Wednesday and I’m not prepared. Why? Because one of the people in my group decided that we should over complicate a simple presentation on aboriginal traditional medicine by dividing it up into millions of categories and each of us presenting one of them. Ya. I haven’t been able to find a whole heck of a lot on aboriginal ways of dealing with chronic pain through traditional medicines (that was the topic that was “suggested” to me). Not to mention, I truly don’t believe we they should be making it that complicated. The class won’t follow. Our information will be all over the place and screwy. But do people listen to me? Nope. They all think it’s a wonderful idea.

Whatever. I’m so stressed out about school thanks to group work that I am beginning to not care. Finials are in two weeks. Ya, another amazing thing to look forward too.

Anyways, that is how work and school are going. I’m still trucking though, and that is the important thing!

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Every Stitch Has a Story

November 22, 2007 at 5:12 am (bad things, blogging, myself & I, pictures & videos, real life, reflecting, story telling)

When I look in the mirror, I see a person covered in scars. They vary in size, shape, and colour even. Some are huge, red and ugly, while others have paid their dues and are less noticeable and pale pink.

But those kazillion stitches have a story. They all represent a time in my life and obstacles that I have overcome.

I am not just refering to the physical scars I have; even though I do have quite a lot of those. These physical scars leave emotional scars that only I know are there. They too, will heal over time.

a tattoo

My heart, much like my body, has several stitches piecing it together. There have been things in my life that have added to a tear in my heart, which I immediately stitched back up again. It’s not good to let open wounds bleed, or so they say.

So the event of this breakup has tore my heart again, but I shall stitch it together. And it will represent yet another story of my past, and one day…it won’t hurt so much. It only hurts now because it is fresh, so each movement pulls at the stitches and reminds me just how much it hurts.

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Venting

November 17, 2007 at 2:00 pm (bad things, blogging, for a cause, helpful tips, opinions, rambling, real life, reflecting)

I find it extremely ridiculous that you need a license for everything but having kids. Even if you wanted to adopt a dog from the pound, they would have to check you out to see if you could handle it. How come it isn’t like that when it comes to having kids? Yes I know, you can’t prevent scum from giving birth, but what about doing follow ups to make sure the baby is ok? Hmm? Did the government ever think of that?

It absolutely disgusts me that there are parents out there who “don’t want to handle” their children with disabilities. They ship them off to live in group homes and never visit even though they live quite close. Then there are the people out their who are sorry excuses for parents. One child at one of the group homes was a perfectly “normal” child before her parents cracked her head off the side of the tub when she was two and set her on the bed for hours before deciding to take her to the hospital. Now she can’t walk or talk. It wouldn’t have been this bad if a) her parents had never cracked her head off the tub in the first place and b) if they had taken her to the hospital immediately.

Babies have no perfection grantee. If you don’t think you would be able to love your child, disability and all, before you have it; don’t get pregnant. And if you do happen to get pregnant and give birth to a child with developmental or physical disabilities, the least you could do is give it up for adoption so the child has  a chance of finding a loving home, not just a group home. We love our kids at the group home, but it isn’t the same thing as having parents and siblings.

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When to let it go

November 9, 2007 at 3:33 am (blogging, for a cause, myself & I, opinions, real life, resources)

Needless to say, I was pretty devastated when my boyfriend of a year and three months randomly broke up with me. I didn’t see it coming, and it shocked me to hear that he didn’t love me anymore, and hadn’t for some time.

But after 3 days of moping around, I’ve made up my mind; I won’t let this break me. I won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing I can’t live without him, because I can. I did it before and I’ll do it again. Sure, it was nice having someone hold my hand and come with me to appointments, but I’m a big girl now. I can do that for myself, by myself. Besides, college is a time for fun and experimenting, or so I’ve read anyway. Even if I am scared about being alone, I definitely won’t show it.

In other news, I received a lovely package in the mail this week. It was from Tiffany, and it’s her book Sick Girl Speaks! I am so excited I can’t wait to read of it! Thanks Tiffany! I’m getting off the net now so I can read it!

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When You Fall Down…

November 7, 2007 at 3:20 am (bad things, blogging, myself & I, rambling, real life, reflecting, worries/concerns)

These past 48 hours haven’t been good ones for me.

That very special someone in my life no longer wants to be a part of it. My boyfriend of a year and 3 months broke up with me last night, or early this morning I should say. The reasons I have discussed so many times I just don’t want to think about it anymore. Bottom line is he wasn’t happy, and as much as I don’t want to admit it, neither was I.

For some time, I’ve been feeling super insecure in our relationship. Ever since I moved, I felt as if he didn’t want to give the effort that is involved in keeping a long distance relationship going. I felt as if there was a barrier between us and all conversation couldn’t be heard. Communication signals were down.

I hurt right now, really bad. Getting out of bed this morning was so difficult. Obviously, he has been such a major positive part of my life for so long now that it’s difficult to picture it without him.

It isn’t pretty out there. It’s cold and dark and alone.

I thought I had found my Prince Charming, the one who I would be with forever. But I guess I was wrong. Now I’m working on moving on. And it will take time.

This is a new, fresh scar that runs deeper then any one I have ever had before. It isn’t a result of a physical thing, such as surgery, but it is a result of a broken heart. Hopefully this scar would get kioloids.

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I am a Person First.

November 5, 2007 at 6:57 pm (blogging, for a cause, helpful tips, myself & I, opinions, rambling, real life, reflecting, resources, story telling, worries/concerns)

We are all guilty of stereotyping someone based on how they dress, look, or act. We label them based on what we see. Most people would describe me as “that girl with the bone thing”.

Since there were so many girls in my class in grade 8, to differentiate between all the other girls who shared the same name as me. “Oh, she’s the one who’s always in the hospital; you know, the gimpy one?” where things that commonly came back to me thanks to word of mouth from my friends.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but that was stereotyping me. At the time, I just felt like crap because that was the label I had earned in middle school, and I knew that it would follow me throughout high school. That’s how everybody would remember me. I once wrote about the things my classmates commented in my yearbooks throughout middle school. Luckily, yearbook comments throughout high school weren’t as “disability oriented” as they were in middle school. I had worked hard to make people know the real me, not just see me as “the girl with a disability”. I worked hard to let my personality and other traits shine through the disability, and it did pay off.

Like I’ve mentioned before, you do need a support group. I believe that you need a support group for everything; as they are the people who will pick you up when you’re down and know you for you. They won’t describe you as “a person with a disability”, but as a person they like.

I have my family and friends to thank for me being successful in pushing my disability to the back burner. By the end of high school, I was able to have people say “Ya, I know her. She’s really nice” instead of “Oh ya, that girl with the disability”. It was empowering.

Unfortunately, it was also short lived. I don’t exactly have a label as “someone with a disability” in college, but I do lack that circle of friends that was my daily support group. Truthfully, it took me a lot of hard work to become comfortable in my high school atmosphere, but high school only lasted 4 years. Before I knew it, it was over and I was back to square one. It took me a year in middle school to make new friends; but likely those people were with me in high school. None of them are with me now, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes me a year to make new friends here at college.

At least the college atmosphere doesn’t focus on labeling someone based on race, disability, or gender. Yes, they still do the “oh she’s popular”, or  “she’s weird” labeling; but it doesn’t focus on my disability (unless I am literally weird because of my disability).

Recently, I found out about a group called People First, an organization formed because some of the people in the communities felt as if they were not considered people first. They felt as if they were talked to, about, and treated according to the disabilities they were labeled with. Their vision is that they wish everybody in the community was treated equally, regardless of mental or medical disability.

I think every community needs a group like this; a group that will educate them on how everybody is equal and we really don’t need labels. What do we even need labels for? Why can’t we just describe people by their positive traits, such as their amazing personality or interesting skills?

I suppose we put labels on people to make things easier. It is easier to label a group of people then to think of them as individuals with different personalities, morals, goals and achievements. But it’s wrong. Who wants to be known as a label? If you have a disability of any sorts, than you probably know what I am talking about. The feeling sucks. All you really want is to be known as you, not as your disability.

So here is an idea for everybody; let’s put people first and labels last.

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Oh noes, look at my toes!

November 1, 2007 at 6:28 pm (blogging, myself & I, pictures & videos, rambling, real life, story telling)

So I have decided to share with you all my gorgeous toes, since I’ve already showed you my arms and legs. So, here we have it; my toes:

two feet

Yes, they are all festive for Halloween! But that aside, you’ll notice that my left toes are shaped very interestingly. They have been like that since long before I could remember, and I always have to have them placed in that way, or else it is extremely uncomfortable and painful.

Here, take a closer look;

oh noes my toes!

I know they appear to be webbed; but they aren’t. They are just very crocked. You can only imagine the discomfort of painting my toe nails, since the baby toe and the one beside that sort of curve inwards and if I move them it is very uncomfortable and painful, but I still do it anyway.

I do remember on one occasion after a surgery when the nurse was trying to help me get comfortable. She tried to pry apart my toes and get them straight for some ridiculous reason. Of course, this intrusion was followed by me screaming and crying. My mom just calmly walked up to me and readjusted my toes to the position that they have always been in, and I shut up immediately and went to sleep.

I never really understood why the lady was touching my toes in the first place and moving them around trying to adjust them. If I’m not complaining about something, please don’t try to fix it. Changes are you’ll just make it worse.

Amusingly enough, I never really had a use for the nurses since my mom stayed with me during hospital visits. I am naturally very shy when it comes to going pee, and I definitely did not want strangers helping me out. So my mom did. I disliked it when anybody but my mom adjusted my pillows and blankets; as they never did it quite as right as she did. She also sneaked good food for me to eat because she knew how nasty hospital food could get. If I needed anything in the night, she was there. Really the nurses were only there to give me medicine and check my IV.

Yes, I suppose you could say I really am a strange person, from my toes to my preferences!

~*~*~

Do you have any interesting stories (like my odd toes) that you feel like sharing in the comments? Feel free too! I love hearing them!

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