When Things Get Rough

September 22, 2007 at 1:25 am (myself & I, opinions, rambling, real life, reflecting, story telling)

Unfortunately, I am a very sensitive, trusting person. I suppose these could be good qualities but as far as I am concerned, they aren’t.

Because I am so sensitive, I let stupid little insignificant things bother me. Because I am so trusting, I tend to trust people I really shouldn’t, and then I get burned.

Quite recently (last night to be exact), I discovered two of the girls I have been hanging out with from my program in college for the past two weeks don’t even like me. Believe me, I know that you can’t be liked by everybody in the world, and I suppose this wouldn’t bother me so much had these girls given me truthful reasons instead of making up stuff. I suppose it also would have helped if they didn’t act as if we were friends for two weeks.

Now I am back to square one. I barely know anybody and I am new to town. I thought I made friends with interesting people, who seemed to have a lot in common with me, but apparently we didn’t click as well as I had thought.

I am feeling more isolated as the days go by – especially now that the truth is out and those two girls don’t actually like me and I have nobody to talk to. I really don’t know how to prevent myself from shutting down; I can feel it starting to happen already.

In an earlier post, I stated that it is very helpful to have a strong support group. I was liking my new group of “friends” because with them I was able to be normal for a little while. I was able to get lost in the silly, pointless jokes and laughter. Then they decided to cut me out of their group, now I dread the 4 hour long breaks in between classes. I dread walking into class because I know that they all have such low opinions of me and I can’t understand why they would be making up excuses not to like me.

I am the kind of person who will shut down if there is too much emotional stress in my life, as much as I would like not to admit it. For quite some time, I have had the fear that I am tethering on the edge of depression. I won’t give in though, and I don’t want to allow myself to be depressed, but truthfully; there are days when it’s difficult to get out of bed.

So how exactly do I keep from sinking under and allowing myself to give up? I keep in mind that everybody has bad days. I know that no matter how bad things seem, they can only get better. So for now, I may dread going to class each day, fearing the looks and the dislike of those girls, but I know I will heal and eventually not care about their opinion of me.

I also still have my family and my boyfriend; although they aren’t as close as I would like them to be (geographically speaking that is) I can still pick up the phone and call. I can cry out my frustrations and feel better about things. I have never been the type of person to repress things and hold back from my emotions, I give in. Why else were we given emotions, if not to express them whenever we have them?



  1. Connie said,

    You have every right to be sad about this. It’s kind of like a grieving process you’re going through. But if things get too bad, please reach out for help. Promise, OK?

    I see that you joined DOUA. There’s a Welcome thread there for you already. Stop on in and say hi.

  2. JC said,

    Connie; I promise to reach out for help if things get to hard to handle.

    I shall go on over to DOUA to see that Welcome thread!!

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