When Things Get Rough

September 22, 2007 at 1:25 am (myself & I, opinions, rambling, real life, reflecting, story telling)

Unfortunately, I am a very sensitive, trusting person. I suppose these could be good qualities but as far as I am concerned, they aren’t.

Because I am so sensitive, I let stupid little insignificant things bother me. Because I am so trusting, I tend to trust people I really shouldn’t, and then I get burned.

Quite recently (last night to be exact), I discovered two of the girls I have been hanging out with from my program in college for the past two weeks don’t even like me. Believe me, I know that you can’t be liked by everybody in the world, and I suppose this wouldn’t bother me so much had these girls given me truthful reasons instead of making up stuff. I suppose it also would have helped if they didn’t act as if we were friends for two weeks.

Now I am back to square one. I barely know anybody and I am new to town. I thought I made friends with interesting people, who seemed to have a lot in common with me, but apparently we didn’t click as well as I had thought.

I am feeling more isolated as the days go by – especially now that the truth is out and those two girls don’t actually like me and I have nobody to talk to. I really don’t know how to prevent myself from shutting down; I can feel it starting to happen already.

In an earlier post, I stated that it is very helpful to have a strong support group. I was liking my new group of “friends” because with them I was able to be normal for a little while. I was able to get lost in the silly, pointless jokes and laughter. Then they decided to cut me out of their group, now I dread the 4 hour long breaks in between classes. I dread walking into class because I know that they all have such low opinions of me and I can’t understand why they would be making up excuses not to like me.

I am the kind of person who will shut down if there is too much emotional stress in my life, as much as I would like not to admit it. For quite some time, I have had the fear that I am tethering on the edge of depression. I won’t give in though, and I don’t want to allow myself to be depressed, but truthfully; there are days when it’s difficult to get out of bed.

So how exactly do I keep from sinking under and allowing myself to give up? I keep in mind that everybody has bad days. I know that no matter how bad things seem, they can only get better. So for now, I may dread going to class each day, fearing the looks and the dislike of those girls, but I know I will heal and eventually not care about their opinion of me.

I also still have my family and my boyfriend; although they aren’t as close as I would like them to be (geographically speaking that is) I can still pick up the phone and call. I can cry out my frustrations and feel better about things. I have never been the type of person to repress things and hold back from my emotions, I give in. Why else were we given emotions, if not to express them whenever we have them?

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2 Comments

  1. Connie said,

    You have every right to be sad about this. It’s kind of like a grieving process you’re going through. But if things get too bad, please reach out for help. Promise, OK?

    I see that you joined DOUA. There’s a Welcome thread there for you already. Stop on in and say hi.

  2. JC said,

    Connie; I promise to reach out for help if things get to hard to handle.

    I shall go on over to DOUA to see that Welcome thread!!

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